The Mess ... And What It Means

Ever since I lost my job, I’ve had a harder time keeping my house clean. This makes no sense since I went from working 40 hours a week to working no hours a week.

Some of it can be blamed on the new, little one. She cries a lot. Like A LOT a lot.

You can actually HEAR her, can't you?

But I think the real reason is because I’m being a better mom now. Yup. My messy house means I'm doing something right.

Before, I felt like the house ALWAYS had to be clean. Not spotless, but close. It was hard for me to get work done while the house was trashed because I felt like I should be cleaning instead of working. Plus, I had regular meetings here and I’m not like ya’ll with those fancy front rooms with those fancy walls that hide the rest of the house. 

Have fun playing, honey! Just don't TOUCH anything.

My house is basically ONE. BIG. ROOM. So if there are toys out and dirty underwear on the floor (the children's! Not mine!) then you’ll see it.

We’d been living in a constant state of “pick that up” or “don’t make a mess” or “seriously guys!? I JUST cleaned there.”

Now? Who cares if the house is messy.  Ain’t nobody coming over. And I don’t need to hurry and clean today because "tomorrow’s going to be so busy." Tomorrow will not be busy.

Before, when I saw all the various messes, I’d see all the work I had to do.

Looking around now, I don’t see a pile of clean clothes that need to be put away. I see my decision to read AJ stories for an hour instead. 

When I see that glob of syrup on the counter, I don’t roll my eyes at Griffin’s sloppiness. I remember that the glob got there because I did one of my silly voices for him, causing him to laugh so hard he dropped his fork.

The maze of toys and play furniture stretching across my living room? That’s from when Griffin created a new "house" within our house. And when I came down the stairs and saw the mess, he looked up at me with worried eyes. He thought I was going to tell him to clean it up. 

That’s what I used to do.

Instead I said, “Oh cool. What are you building?” And I sat down on a tiny white chair as he and AJ, both quivering with excitement, explained the game, the rules and how to play. And then we played.

And I didn’t clean.