Sad Greeting Cards

Okay, here's the deal. I have a really wicked sense of humor. Sometimes, it's just wrong. I try to keep it hidden most of the time, now that I'm a responsible adult with a church calling and all. But there was a time in my life, not long ago, that I had a dream.
And that dream was to create my own line of SAD GREETING CARDS!

The project was actually for a class in college. I got an 'A'! And a couple laughs. But eventually, I forgot about them. I put away childish things and uh, had children.

I recently came across them when I was cleaning out my hard drive.

I don't see myself selling them, anymore. I have a reputation to maintain, after all. But it seems wasteful to just ... throw them into that tiny trash icon on my desktop. So instead, I am RELEASING THEM INTO THE WORLD!

For your enjoyment, I present "Crystal's Crazy Cards" Or "Alternative Greetings" Or maybe "Cards For When Regular Cards Don't Cut It" (Okay, I'm still working on the name...)

...

From my "Father's Day" collection:

OUTSIDE: Mom said you never wanted me     INSIDE: Happy Father's Day anyway

From my "With Friends Like These..." collection:

INSIDE: Thinking of you.

From my "Divorce" collection:

OUTSIDE: Congratulations on your divorce.   INSIDE: We always knew she was a lying whore.

From my "For Writer's Only" collection:

OUTSIDE: Sorry to hear about your latest rejection... INSIDE: I always believed in you. So you can imagine how stupid I feel right now.

OUTSIDE: Congratulations! On your recent success  INSIDE: Though let's be honest... it was probably a fluke

From my "I've got some news" collection:

OUTSIDE: Remember that one magical night under the stars?   INSIDE: I'm pregnant and I think it's yours